One night about 7 or 8 of my friends were hanging out on my porch relaxing. One of my friends started talking about this cute chick he met at the pool earlier. She gave him her number but he was too shy to call. Not only was he shy be he had been smoking for the past hour and paranoia had definitely set in. Being the good friend that I am I told him, “I will call her for you and pretend that I am you on the phone.”
After about 30-40 minutes I got him an invitation to “hangout” at her house for the night. She told me that when I get there the door will be unlocked and to come right up but to be quite because her aunt lived right below her. the only problem was that my paranoid, high friend was to scared to go alone. Sarcastically I said “if you really need all of us to go up there with you we can.” He clearly didn’t understand sarcasm cause twenty minutes later all 8 of use were trying to scale 3 flights of stairs without waking Aunt "Cock Block" on the first floor. Once we got to the top of the stairs, we scared the hell out of the girl. We all looked like complete asses but it was totally worth it to hear my friend trying to explain why the hell he had an entourage accompanying him on a booty call. Never the less it worked out cause she had a sister there that kept our company while they handled their business.
5 minutes later they come running up from downstairs saying “I JUST SEEN MOM'S CAR PULL UP!!! Climb out the window to the roof and go down the ladder." So all 8 of us climb through this tiny window onto the roof. I still chuckle whenever I think of how my chubby friend had to squeeze his body through the small window. Once we got on the roof I made way to the ladder.
NOW, I DON’T KNOW WHY!!! the first thing her mom did was come up to the third floor and look out the window, and I have NO CLUE!!! why the hell her dad was at the bottom of the ladder just waiting to see if anyone was going to climb down. My guess was one or two things, either her parents were over protective, freakishly distrustful people or that she did this so often that their normal routine involved coming in the house, saying “honey we’re home. Baby you check the window I’ll secure the latter around back.”
Now the father is screaming up at me and saying how he's going to get his dog and gun, and the mother is yelling at us through the window calling us all types of hoodlums. The whole time I'm sitting there scared out of my mind thinking what the hell did i smooth talk myself into. So as the dad walks off to collect his murder weapons I make a run for it. I jump off the roof of the three family house into the mud and dash across eight or nine back yards. The whole time I'm looking frantically and praying a dog doesn't hop out of the bushes and bite my a**. I felt like an Olympic gold metalest sprinting through yards, hurdling gates, climbing fences, and flipping over barbed wire. The dad hopping into his truck with another man to try to catch me but i was like Usain Bolt that night. I was running so fast that I wouldn't be surprised if there actually, was a dog in one of those yard, just like "DAAAAAMN!! That MF'er is out!!!" Luckily for me I got away with only a sprained finger and a bunch of scratches from the barbed wire.
I met up with my friends the next day and apparently the father didn’t realize that the whole Wu Tang Clan was on his roof. After he chased me in the truck they all climbed down the ladder and simply walked home. The guy who was actually to blame first said that her father pulled up to him saying “did you see a high yellow dude run by this way.” FML, From that moment on I vowed never to hope off another roof again. As a looked down at my bandaged arm, I thought "next time I get caught in a girls house shes just ganna have to get in trouble on her own. I ain't jumping"... but that's a whole 'nother story.